Looking Back and Stepping Inward

Written by Rory O'Driscoll

Welcome back – Day Two.

Firstly, thank you. Every bit of engagement, it means more than I can say.

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I’ve never been great at closing out a chapter. High school, college, even just saying goodbye to a passing year — it’s like trying to close a book that tries to bite you.* But there’s power in looking back. As Ray Dalio simply puts it: Pain plus reflection equals progress.

This year, I’m leaning toward that reflection. Acknowledging the wins and the losses, big and small. And trying to tip my hat to the firsts — new moments that have been eye-opening in my life.

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Losses:

Loss of someone dear — a friend, role model, second mother.
Grief is a wild thing. It’s painful and confusing. But there’s a lot of grace within grief. I found myself putting energy into others. Creating something for the people who needed it more than I did. In the end, that’s what was most cathartic for me as well.

That same day, I dislocated my patella — three minutes into my season.
Life can be a cruel joke. And timing is the best, and worst, punchline.

Felt stuck. Too comfortable. Content — but unchallenged.
Realizing how easy it is to get pulled into the familiar embrace of comfort. And how difficult it can be to get out of that stronghold.

Tweaked my hamstring just as I was hitting my stride.
Re-affirmed something I already knew. Growth isn’t a straight shot. It’s a jaded line, full of stops, starts, and slip-ups. Just as you’re finding your groove – bam – life checks you. Get knocked down, get back up, get knocked down again…

Questioned my path.
Spent time wondering if soccer is my future. I want it to be. But trying to figure out if it makes sense. Comparisons and a fear of falling behind consistently clouded my judgment. Concluded: whatever happens, happens. Just be yourself along the way.

Antonio Collins said it best when he came on Rally, “Just be yourself — there’s only one you.”

You’re not behind. Just in your own lane.

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Wins:

Made my MLS debut.
A surreal moment. Like being that GoPro Oliver Giroud wore for AC Milan during a preseason game. That type of surreal. It felt like an ode to my younger self. A career high. Though, hopefully not a peak.

Lived another year chasing a dream.
Getting to play soccer for a living is a dream. And, dreams are funny in that they don’t always feel like dreams when you’re in them — they feel like work. But stepping back every once in a while and seeing the big picture, it’s something I’m proud of, and I’m lucky to have ever called it a job.

Got my MBA.
Finally… Turned a one-year program into two, but finally wrapped that thing up.

Met new people, and made new friends.
There’s a beauty that comes along with the “Oh yeahh!! Me too” moments that serve as subtle reminders that we’re all more alike than we think. Cheers to the new people from ‘24.

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Firsts:

Started reading Harry Potter books.
Currently on Prisoner of Azkaban.* I’m hooked.

Went to New York City.
The Olive Tree Cafe — I’ll come back to this story soon.

Did the Hot Ones challenge — twice.
Brought my friends together for a night of connection through spice. Do it with friends. I’d recommend it to anyone. On both occasions, amazing nights — I’ll come back to this story at some point too.

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Reflection is not my strong suit, but I’m working on it. I love to people watch — look outward, but where I struggle is looking inward. But if pain plus reflection equals progress, then these moments — ugly, raw, messy journeys inward — are something bigger. Little big steps that culminate to something at the end of it all, just not sure what that is yet.

2024 was a rollercoaster. Incredible moments… followed by tragic ones, and vice versa. In many ways, it was a splatter painting.

Journal prompt:

What were the wins and losses of my 2024? What were my firsts? What moments did I grab the brush and paint my picture? And what moments did I let the paint hit the canvas on its own accord?

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Lastly, thank you again to all who have subscribed. To those who read, commented, or liked the first post. To those participating in their own way and writing at home. And a special thank you to these people: Henrik, Pete Rundy, Cheech, and Ladd for telling your stories, asking great questions that I’m excited to put some thought into, and most importantly, putting pen to paper and taking a step inward.

With gratitude,

Rory

Rally on.